Long time, no post. Life got the best of me, I think.
Every morning I have to remind myself that I am fortunate to be employed in my field. Lately that reminder happens about 5 times a day. School is hard. And I know, that sounds ridiculous. But it really, truly is just hard. I can't predict what any day will bring...unless it's a full moon, THEN I know what the day will be like...and it is NOT pretty. I wished my way through college and here I am, 23 and employed. Living the dream, so to speak. I lost a lot of friends in the past two years. Over silly things, too. Like paying bills, or a guy, or because I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm having a difficult time making friends. I mean, how do people my age meet new people? Do I have to join a book club? Or a knitting circle? Because we all know, that will never happen. When Casey and I go out I'm going to start walking up to people and introducing myself and telling them that they are officially my friend.
Somedays, I don't feel like teaching. Rather, I don't feel like fighting. Everyday is a new battle. It's some kind of new problem that I have to deal with or adjust. It's day after day of failing some weeks. Being a first year teacher is much more difficult than I thought. I place a lot of blame on myself. My classroom management skills are just AWFUL. Those kids get away with murder. And then I wonder why I have no control. I just can't give up. I have to tell myself that 50 times a day.
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